Paranoia

The questioning the actions.
The reading subtle signs.
The analysing stupid things
that aren’t between the lines.
The only option possible
is one you have in mind.
The only truthful answer is
the one you’ll never find.

The “Nothing’s wrong!” that never works
and never satisfies.
The way it feels and compliments
a lifetime’s worth of lies.
The friendships that are twisted
are never quite the same.
The playful dance of quiet thoughts
perpetuate the game.

The way forgetfulness forgets
the way it started out.
The non-existent whispering
imagined as a shout.
The tapering of friendliness
that ends in being alone.
The rarer sound of human voice
that follows ringing tones.
The justifying arguments
repeated every day.
The bubbling resentment
that never goes away.

I seem to have fallen back into poetry again, after my last rather intense bout of art show work. One of the advantages of being multi-disciplined is that when you burnout on one artistic form (painting), you can fall back on another (poetry).

This latest poem is one that has tumbled out amongst a whole host of others over the past few days. I tend to write nothing for months and then finally a whole lot of poems will come out at once. I’m currently writing another one that’s very long and story-like, provisionally titled “The Ballad of Facebook”, so it might be a while before I post it.

I appreciate that paranoia is not the most livening of subjects, especially while most of the world is celebrating right now, but I’m aware that I owe you all a post as I’ve fallen silent for a little longer than normal. This poem has just been completed. Ink barely dry and all that.

I’m wondering if anyone else can relate to that feeling of paranoia. Have I described it accurately? Is your experience of it different? I wanted the poem to have a slightly naïve air, as I think paranoia stems from naïveté. (Did I put all my accents in the right place there?) I’m sure there are some cunning linguists out there who will be able to tell me…

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3 Responses to “Paranoia”

  1. You got me down pretty well. Being a Bi Polar person I get Paranoid fairly often. I hear voices that goes along with the paranoid ideation’s. You have captured the claustrophobic feeling that paranoia instils in people.

    Great post. Your blog was mentioned to me by my Brother Nik. I look forward to having a further look around.

  2. Hey, thanks Paul. It’s nice to get someone else’s point of view, and I’m glad that the poem connected with you.

    I don’t have bi-polar episodes, or any kind of mental health issues on that level, but I do have that paranoid state of mind often – the locked pattern of thinking that it’s very hard to see outside of.

  3. Whilst “paranoia” is a recognized condition that can completely paralyse a person’s ability to think, most of us can relate to a paranoid state of mind – at least if we’re honest enough, and can face these kind of issues without running away. Thanks for the poem, I didn’t find it depressing at all, just bloody honest…:) /L

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